And It's All on Video
by CarlileLovesAnime
Summary: Haru and her video camera uncover the dark secrets of Vongola After-Parties. Crackfic, oneshot... yeah.


**Heyheyhey :P**

**I think I read one too many drunkfics, resulting in this... thing, here. Please enjoy. I don't own KHR. **

**Also, I'd like to thank my good friend Emi-chan (DarkeFlame) for sort of inspiring me to write this (:**

0o.o0o.o0

_11:57 pm_

The screen came on to darkness, though the silhouette of a tall young man stood blacker than the background.

"Lambo?" Haru asked. "What are you doing here?" She was behind the camera, shooting the whole thing.

He turned his head to look at her. There was a big, dorky smile on his face. "Oh, hi, Haruuuuuuuuu~ chan! Tee-hee!"

The camera tilted sideways slightly. "Um, it's, like, midnight," she scolded. "Shouldn't you be asleep?" There was a pause. "Wait…" She sniffed him. "Are you… drunk?"

He just started giggling like a child.

"But we didn't serve alcohol at the party," she wondered aloud.

"Oh, no, no," Lambo said. "You're right, but you're wrong. There's alcohol at the after – hiccup! – party."

"After-party?"

"Yeeeeeeeeeaah~" he mused. "It's m-me, Tsuna, Hayato, Hibari, Yamamoto, Ryohei, Mukuro an-an-and Chrome. Oh yeah, and Dino."

Haru smirked scandalously. "Really…?"

"Oh, yeah, totally!" Lambo laughed. "Come on in with that camera of yours."

"Okay!" she said. She followed Lambo up to the front door of the Sawada house as he skipped down the path.

"Heh, heh, y'know, Haru," he said giddily, "You could really use this as good blackmail."

"Yeah," she purred, "I could."

0o.o0o.o0

_12:04 am_

When Haru and Lambo came into the house, crossed the foyer and entered the living room, they were greeted by the absolute carnage before them.

Dino was sitting all sprawled out on the couch, clutching a glass of wine and staring up at the ceiling. Gokudera was in the corner alone, holding his knees to his chest and rocking back and forth; his skin was sallow. Tsuna was crawling around on the floor going "Woof, woof!" and randomly rubbing his head up against anyone and everyone. Chrome was nowhere to be found, although some clatter could be heard in the kitchen. Everyone else was sitting in a circle on the floor playing cards.

"Hey, look, guys," Ryohei said, grinning as he pointed to Haru, "Lambo brought a prostitute!"

Yamamoto spat, fell face-first onto the floor and began rolling around, he was laughing so hard. Everyone else in the circle just chuckled. Lambo winked at Haru and sat down with them.

The lips on Dino's face that curved upward slightly now parted. "What is a prostitute?" he asked rhetorically. "Why-why do we need prostitutes? How does one go about being a prostitute?" The rest he just mumbled to himself incoherently.

Hibari cleared his throat loudly and reorganized the cards fanned out in his hand. "Uh… I fold." He smacked them down onto the floor.

"King me!" Mukuro shouted.

Lambo looked at everyone curiously. "I thought we were playing Go Fish…"

"Yes!" Yamamoto yelled, then burst into a fit of laughter again.

Tsuna, just then, sat oddly next to Hibari and nuzzled his neck and began to make a purring sound. Hibari only sat there unaffected.

"Sexyyyyy," Ryohei murmured.

"Tsuna-san," Haru finally piped up, "I thought you were a dog."

Tsuna peered up at the girl guiltily, then bounded off going, "Yipe, yipe, yipe!"

"Dominoes!" Dino shouted.

Everyone looked at him. He looked back at all of them.

"Why do people set up rows and rows of dominoes and take all that time? They're just going to get knocked down again, are they not?" he said, enunciating his words perfectly. "It's all a pointless endeavor."

Suddenly they all heard a thud. Hibari had passed out cold and his face was now buried in the pile of cards in the center.

Yamamoto's laughing riot re-vamped.

"Ooh, let's rape him!" Ryohei suggested. Everyone ignored him and his perverted nonsense.

"Looks like someone just forfeited all his cards," Mukuro said with a chuckle. He reached under the unconscious Cloud Guardian and grabbed them all.

"Life, itself is a pointless endeavor," Dino continued.

Lambo stayed surprisingly silent throughout all of this. Haru wondered why.

She then panned the camera over to the corner, where Tsuna and Gokudera were. Tsuna was panting and digging "holes" in the floor. Gokudera was still in the same position, his face frozen in a sickening shock.

Haru felt something hit her leg. She brought the camera down. It was Yamamoto. He had rolled onto her during his laughing seizure.

"Hi, Haru," he said, stifling a giggle.

"Look up her skirt!" Ryohei demanded. Yamamoto began laughing again. Haru then emphasized, using the camera view, that she was wearing jeans.

Mukuro did his usual chuckle while staring down at Hibari. "Hey, hey, guys," he said softly. He looked up as he pointed at the prefect. "Let's braid his hair while he's asleep."

Lambo's hand shot up. "I can braid hair!" he said. "I braid I-Pin's all the time!" He scrambled over to Hibari and began to separate the Cloud Guardian's thin hair into strands, Mukuro watching and giggling to himself all the while.

"Cats are so beautiful," Dino said. Haru and Ryohei became his audience. "They're loving and obedient, but still confident and dignified and content with being alone. Gorgeous creatures, really. Everything about them is quite amazing."

"Ruff, ruff!" The camera quickly skimmed over to Tsuna, who was jumping up and down like a frog. He then ran away on all fours.

Haru stepped over the craziness all over the floor of the living room to the Storm Guardian. "You okay, Gokudera-san?" she asked.

He shook his head slightly from side to side.

"What is it?" she asked.

His gray-green eyes drifted up to her, the rest of him not moving at all. "I… don't hold my alcohol very well," he said. Then after a small pause, he added, "I feel like I'm gonna throw up."

Haru nodded. "Um… good luck with that?" She turned around and pursued the others, who were all acting much more interesting, except for maybe Hibari, who was completely inanimate, and Chrome, who was nowhere to be found. Right away, she found Tsuna bent over Yamamoto, licking the baseball player's face.

"S-stop it, Tsuna!" Yamamoto shrieked, laughing uncontrollably. "You're tickling me!"

"Feet," Dino said. That's all he said.

"Voila!" Lambo yelled, and the camera came to him. He pointed at the two sloppy braids in Hibari's hair. "Are-aren't they beautiful?" he asked.

_Hibari's gonna _kill _you when he wakes up,_ Haru thought.

Mukuro nodded in agreement, then turned around and saw a bottle of beer rolling around on the floor. He let out an ear-piercing scream, which very few people actually paid attention to, and ran to it.

"Who did this? I demand to know who did this!"

No one responded to his question.

"N-no littering, man," Mukuro then said, his words slurred and of a mellow tone, and he cradled the bottle in his chest. "Ya gotta protect our Mother Earth, man. She's gonna die… without us, man…" He held up a peace sign with his fingers, put his lips to the tip of the bottle and, discovering that it was empty, dropped it to the floor again and began crying.

"I miss Woodstock so muuuuuuch!" He buried his head in his hands.

Tsuna left the circle area, leaving an exhausted Yamamoto spread out prone on the floor. A smile had been stuck on his face for a very long time.

Ryohei hugged Haru's leg. "You're… you're pretty," he said.

Haru clicked her tongue. "Aw, thank you," she replied.

"Y-yeah," he said. "I would totally go out with you if you were a woman."

"But I… am a…" Haru trailed off. Trying to explain to a drunken man why he was wrong would just be a waste of time, she figured.

Lambo perked up. "Guys," he said.

Most of the people in the room stopped to look at him.

"All of a sudden," he said, "I feel…" He stood up and literally ripped off his shirt. "Sexy!"

Ryohei shouted and cheered. Yamamoto whistled. Haru rolled her eyes.

Mukuro sat up and began clapping his hands together to an imaginary beat. "Strip tease, strip tease, strip tease!" Apparently he had completely forgotten about Woodstock.

Lambo held up a hand. "Alright, alright! Woooooo!" He started shaking his hips to the rhythm and slowly pulling down his pants.

Mukuro sat on the unconscious Hibari's back then to watch the show. Ryohei and Yamamoto soon joined him, Ryohei taking up the prefect's legs, Yamamoto's ass dangerously close to Hibari's head. Of course, an unconscious man wouldn't care.

As much as Haru found Lambo's… _erotic_ side purely repulsive, she couldn't afford to take the camera off of him. This was some damn good stuff!

In the background, Gokudera opened the window in the corner, leaned his head out and make a retching sound. He came back in a minute later and slumped down against the wall, his hands at his sides and finally a grin on his face. "God, that feels so much better," he mumbled.

Haru, herself decided to divert her attention from what she was filming. Keeping the camera steadily aimed at the dancing Lambo, whose pants were now down to his knees, she looked at Dino.

"So, if you guys are this wasted," she asked, "Who's going to bring you all home?"

"Oh, Tsuna offered for us to crash here for tonight," Dino said, taking a small swig of wine afterwards.

Just then, Tsuna appeared and draped his tiny body across Ryohei, Mukuro and Yamamoto's laps. He put his hands under his head and shut his eyes.

Gokudera sighed, got up, stumbled towards the end of the couch opposite from Dino and laid down. "I shouldn't have challenged Turf Head to that drinking contest…" he moaned.

Roars arose from Mukuro, Ryohei and Yamamoto. Haru looked over at Lambo, who had officially casted off his pants and was currently wearing nothing but boxers and a pair of black socks.

"Take it all off!" Ryohei commanded. Lambo obliged, lightly grabbing the elastic of his boxers and painfully slowly pulling them down. Haru resolved not to look at Lambo again for the rest of the night. The camera stayed in the same position, though.

Tsuna suddenly stood up and made a neighing sound. He began galloping circles around the room.

Dino leaned his head back. "A diamond…" he thought aloud. "It's just coal."

Gokudera held his arm out to stop Tsuna. "T-Tenth," he said, "Just what are you, exactly?"

Instead of an answer, Tsuna just bent down and kissed Gokudera on the cheek. He skipped away, flapping his arms like wings. Gokudera sat up in shock, staring at his boss while his hand floated up to the cheek Tsuna kissed. A look of utter confusion polluted his face.

Judging from the huge outburst of the trio watching the strip tease, Lambo was now completely naked. The thought alone made Haru shudder. _Maybe I shouldn't have come in here after all…_ she thought.

And suddenly, a silence fell upon the living room. Lambo was still priding himself in the fact that he was in a room that wasn't his room wearing only his socks (a feat that had not been accomplished by him since he was very little). Mukuro, Yamamoto and Ryohei's applause was dying out. Dino was quietly thinking to himself, Gokudera was frozen in shock for the second time that night and Haru thanked _God_ Tsuna didn't know what sound a butterfly made.

_Erm, do butterflies even make a sound?_

Haru felt that she was done with her spontaneous blackmail mission. She glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that it had only been about half an hour since she came in. She internally wondered when this little drinking after-party began.

And then Chrome leapt into the room, her clothes all lopsided and in tatters, armed with a large plastic bottle.

"Ranch dressiiiiiing!" she shouted, and, laughing madly, spewed creamy white liquid all over the room.

0o.o0o.o0

_1:12 pm, the next day_

Haru decided to stay at Tsuna's that night, too. Shortly after the ranch shower, everyone kind of passed out. She put the kitchen back together; she cleaned up the empty bottles and the cards that got everywhere and the giant white pool all over the floor, and redressed Lambo (she does _not_ want to go into that). She slept a little, too, and thought she woke up pretty late, but she was the first. She made herself some tea and sat at the table, reading through almost the entire newspaper before someone finally shuffled into the kitchen.

It was Tsuna. He had gigantic, dark circles under his eyes, was slumped over and squinted in the light. He came at her like a zombie.

"Ugggh, Haru," he groaned, rubbing his head, "What time is it?"

She looked at the clock on the microwave. "About one-fifteen," she replied.

Tsuna sighed. "Oh, God." He pulled out a chair and sat down across from the girl, his elbows on the table and his aching head in his hands.

"Hangover?" she asked smugly after a moment.

Tsuna chuckled just a little. "Yeah, no kidding," he said. His hair a mess, he looked up at her between his fingers. "What the hell happened last night, anyway? The whole house smells like salad."

Haru smirked. "Well…" she said. She whipped out her video camera, rewound the data and she and Tsuna watched the whole thing all the way through. At each second, Tsuna's eyes got wider in shock.

When the video was done and finally went to a blue screen, Tsuna laughed nervously. "Wow, that's embarrassing," he said.

"I know," she replied. "That's why I put it on YouTube."


End file.
